Possible Selves 2: Collage

What Have I achieved in Life?

Achievements for me have come to mean things I take pride in and less tangible awards as I've grown older. Depending on my definition of success, it really changes. Are we talking about competitions? About awards? School or personal lives? I like to think that I am a pretty well rounded person so I'll categorize them into the most important to least important in my eyes. 

1. I have, and continue to live and do my best with a debilitating chronic illness: I have many, including trigeminal neuralgia and Ehler's Danlos Syndrome, illnesses that tend to interfere heavily with my plans for myself and make it really hard to function, but I still manage to hold on to what I want to accomplish. 

2. I have a knack for getting animals attached to me (sometimes for no apparent reason): Besides taming cats and dogs of all sizes, temperaments, and circumstances, I have also always had the ability to have wilder animals get attached to me. Coyotes, geese, deer, rabbits, a venomous snake and a beaver have allowed me to handle them or get close without lashing out. This is probably the one thing that never fails to make me really happy.

3. I'm "smart": I was once told that I would never get anywhere in life by a teacher because she felt I was lazy and relied on talent over hard work that year in school. While it is true that I have a tendency to follow my gut when test taking and doing school work and not always pay attention when I'm stressed or bored, I generally do meet the expectations of the people around me without necessarily trying to. I naturally test very well. This means that I received a lot of honors growing up, and still do, though now that'd I'm older I can say that I actually put in effort. 

4. I constantly am working to grow as a person: I always loved cultures growing up, but now I am actually taking steps to actively learn about other cultures. I'm trying to learn Japanese, and even though I am not at the level I want to be at, every time I can understand a word or sentence and respond, I get this little burst of joy.

5. I'm good at cooking: I've been cooking full, nice meals since I was five years old, and I take pride in my ability to cook and bake without really having to think about what it is. I'm very good at winging it and having whatever I'm making come out delicious.

6. I care: This really goes along with number four, but I am generally a pretty empathetic person and can see how another person is feeling. I do my best to help whenever I can. Like everyone else, there are ties when I could do better, but I always strive to improve.

7. I stay calm in stressful situations and work to fix the issue: There have been many a time where major catastrophes have reared their heads, and I usually stay calm and collected and jump into action. Besides the constant personal ones that have happened circling my health and my family, there were some larger ones I remember that happened while I was working at a doggy daycare. There were times when two or more dogs would get into a fight and I was the only one not panicky. Because of this, I ended up being the one to give orders and take on the responsibility of first aid and tending to the emergent injuries of the pups.

Learning a Language: Japanese

Learning Japanese has been a whirlwind of emotion. I have had so much fun speaking with my classmates and participating in class, but there is also stress that pops up every once in awhile. When I first started learning the language, I put my whole heart and soul into it, but as time passed and my health declined, I found myself struggling to stay afloat and keep up with the work. This led to frustration and the idea that I just wasn't cut out for it.

Now that I'm back, however, I realize that it was just the pain and sadness that was causing such negative feelings. Even though I still get frustrated, like with last class, when I struggle participating, I find myself getting extremely excited for class. I have also been able to make friends that I would never have been able to make before because of what I have learned and my exposure to Japanese culture through KCAI. Just a few days ago, I was actually able to keep up a conversation with a native speaker (with the help of Weblio) entirely in Japanese. Once I was able to tell her my situation, she was very happy to help me and practice more speech with me. I have also been overjoyed to be able to make out what is being said in songs or other medias.

What Does the Future Hold?

After getting my PTA license, I plan to pursue a bachelor's degree and then go to medical school. Specifically, I plan on applying to UMKC's School of Medicine for their six year combined program. I want to be able to help people to the best of my ability. I am not sure what specialty I will be going after, but I am currently thinking of orthopedics, rheumatology, or pain management. I have always been obsessed with medicine and diagnostics, and with my experience as a patient and my understanding of what it's like to be on the other side/the difference it makes to have an empathic doctor, I hope to prove that they can trust me.

In order to get there, though, I have to keep up my grades. I am currently on my second semester and have a 4.0 GPA. I have also made steps to work on my exposure and volunteer work and much as I can in this pandemic. I am also currently finishing my prerequisites and half of the program's required classes for their first year. Japanese, while not needed for my degree is my enrichment class of choice, and I hope to eventually become fluent enough to be able to help patients who speak it. Until then, though, I want to get as much cultural exposure as possible. I am also interested in pursuing the JET program when I am able, or continuing my education in Japanese through other mediums.